| Today... |
[28 Mar 2010|12:31am] |
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 pensive |
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Well, I suppose a "First Things First"...
So I Heard You Like Mudkips (Techpara Version) by Maitre
And now for the main post...
Spent the day with someone. Someone I don't really know how to read, and wish I did. Second time seeing them in a month, after not seeing them for years, although I did miss them that whole time. Just felt good today hanging out with them.
But I have no clue what to do about it now. Not sure what they're feeling, and what they want. And I'm afraid to share what I think, and to ask what they think, because I don't want to risk losing what I *do* have. I like having someone I can really hang out with, do whatever, even if it's every couple weeks or so. But at the same time, I remember what it was like then. And I try to feel them out, but leaving that room for escape if necessary.
Trying hard not to be clingy again. That's always the problem.
I dunno. Well, I *do* know the situation could pretty well be resolved by "grow some damn balls and just ask about it already". Guess this unsure feeling is the punishment then.
Still... Was a really nice time today...
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| GAH |
[25 May 2009|06:15pm] |
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Sorry, didn't realize the pic I posted was gonna be so big, it's behind a cut now, sorry for any inconvenience. And if you didn't notice, well, move along, nothing to see here.
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| AN09 - The First Post |
[25 May 2009|10:49am] |
So another Anime North come and gone.
Will probably do a more indepth post later.
Till then, enjoy this:
( Pic here )
:B
The requisite "cute guy i meet at the con but never really do anything with cause he's straight". And even more exciting is that apparently (I found out after the fact) was that he's friends with a few people in my improv group, who found it quite amusing that I liked him. Ah well. That's con life for me.
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| Apathy and Anime North |
[08 May 2009|11:04pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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Well, if my bathroom scale is to be believed, I'm under 180 for the first time in god knows how long. And that's not necessarily a good thing. Or, at least, how it's happened.
I just feel like I've gone to pieces a bit lately. I just have no real energy anymore. The other day I finally had a day off (as in no work AND nothing else planned), and I ended up sleeping almost the entire day. I felt sick, but... not "cold" sick. Yeah, I was sneezing a lot, but for the most part, I just felt so tired the entire day. Barely ate the whole day, either. Can't remember the last time I had dinner outside of days I close at work, just because I'm almost too tired to cook, or I just sleep, and miss the whole dinner hour. My body clock is so messed up, too, I barely know what time it is anymore. Feel like I keep losing more enthusiasm. There's nothing I really want to do.
Actually am looking forward to Anime North in a couple weeks. Probably not cosplaying this year. I'll probably miss it, but ultimately, I feel like I don't have the time to make a costume, even if there was one I really wanted to do. I suppose I could still get an old suit altered for the Vincent cosplay, though. But, also, there's no real time TO cosplay, it feels like. Friday is filled with 404 stuff, so I'm in uniform for that. Saturday, both shows are in the evening, so I could dress up during the day, I suppose. And then Sunday, well... maybe it's a bit more feasible...
Stupid scheduling conflict with AN, though. The ONE thing I wanted to do outside of 404s activities, hosting Anime Jeopardy, is in the timeslot just before a 404s show, and in a different location. (For those not-AN familiar, the con takes place on THREE different locations. The Doubletree Hotel, across the street at the Toronto Congress Centre, and then about a five minute walk down the street, across a major highway (with a bridge, of course :P) to another hotel, The Renaissance) So, even though it's doubtful Anime Jeopardy would go into the full hour, it still means I'd miss pre-show warming up, and I'd practically have to jog to get to the show on time. Ah well.
Wow... That was a kinda depressing topic, followed by a rather cheeryish one. Weird.
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| Cleaning a bit |
[04 May 2009|12:39pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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So, roomie moved out, upstairs is empty. Landlord (nice lady she is) said I didn't have to cover his half of the rent for this (the final) month, so that's an extra bit of money in my pocket (that will go towards the deposit for my NEXT place). (I like brackets)
The landlords have a daughter, who was studying in Ottawa this whole time we've been here. But she's back now. Extra room is upstairs, they ask if she can use it. I'm fine with it. I have no real use for it, anyways, but it does mean the few things I left upstairs (some books, a couple bookcases, and all the video game stuff from when the tv was there). Moved one bookcase to the kitchen (for, you know, cookbooks), surprised there was enough room. The other got moved to a little space I had left down here.
So tidying up a bit, and I start throwing some stuff out. I find an old birthday card (which is late in the year, for those of you that know when it is), I go to toss it. $40 was there. Unexpected $40! w00t! I think I kept it there as a backup fund for food or stuff, and just forgot about it.
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| Starting apartment hunting... |
[01 May 2009|02:14pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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Mailed out my first "I wanna see the place". Looks nice, in the same area where I am, decent price ($100 more than what I pay now, though it includes some nice bonuses, so it's alright). Still a longshot, but at least I'm starting to move on.
Sent a long overdue email to someone about something I don't want to really say much about because it's such a longshot. I rather glossed over the important bit (kind of put it in as an aside), that way, the rejection won't hurt as much, but at least I can say I tried now. Though I suppose it's not really trying. I dunno.
Still a bit lonely here. But, really, it's not too different from how it was before. It'll probably be those days off that get to me the most, but summer's coming up, so hopefully I'll be able to distract myself enough. I wonder how much a Wonderland season's pass is... :P
Thinking of getting my hair done before AN. I wasn't going to, since I still wanted it fairly long for my possible cosplay, but I think it's getting a *touch* too long for that now, so I might get it done. Maybe colour it, too. Just some dark highlights (or would that be lowlights), cause I don't wanna go ALL black, cause that'd be too emo/goth for me, but I definately want my hair darker.
Need to get dressed for work now.
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| Feeling a bit better |
[30 Apr 2009|11:38pm] |
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Yeah, got it out of my system, mostly. Sure, it might be back later, but that's what good friends, good eurobeat and singing along to Jonathon Coulton's First of May are for.
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| Melancholy |
[30 Apr 2009|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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Just feels like I'm hitting more and more lows lately.
Ken, the roomie, just moved out. Won't get into much, but he was annoying, a big source of drama, but I just broke down when he was leaving... I don't know if it's *him*, or just not having someone around... It was nice, having someone I could just walk up to chat with, maybe watch some tv, or just be in the prescence of them...
Music I feel like I've almost all but given up. I don't know. Everywhere I turn there seems to be more signs that I'm not going to succeed. Someone's just that few steps ahead of me. Was part of a fan compilation, and although mine was one of the best produced songs technically speaking, people just seemed to hate it. So why bother keeping it up? It's not making me happy, it's not making other people happy, and it's just more and more of a drain financially. Even the song I'm supposed to be working on now, the file got glitched, so it's pretty much ruined.
Pretty much the only other friend I've made here is pissed off at me because I'm just always depressed these days. I wasn't attractive enough for him to want a relationship, and now I'm just too much of a downer to be a friend.
I hate work, but love it cause it keeps me busy. I want out, but it feels like there's no escape.
Need to move in a month, landlords renovating. Was hoping to find a place with Ken again, but he's living back at home during the summer, and I can't really find a place only for a few months... But I hate looking, and I hate moving even more... I wish I knew someone looking for a roomie, but no one else is interested. Always bad timing.
I really do want to stay upbeat. I know there's a lot that's going right. I at least have a place to live (for now, anyways), I'm not at home, really, I probably am better off now emotionally than I was there, I'm not tied down to much right now, but I don't know... Maybe it's not depressed, just... boredom with life. I don't know.
And I hate feeling like this. I shouldn't feel bad. I don't want to make other people feel bad.
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| Back. |
[26 Jan 2009|01:22am] |
Back.
Only to come in to some of the same shit I keep getting from people. Thought it might have been different this time, but I guess not.
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| Heading out for a week |
[16 Jan 2009|02:39pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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So, heading out for a week. Not sure if I ever mentioned this here, but I'm being forced to take a Carribean cruise.
Yeah, forced.
Long story, shortened, mom is getting married, I don't have much choice. She covered part of the trip, but I'm still out nearly $1000 for this, plus a week's vacation that I'm a little bitter at. I mean, for that, I could go to Italy and revisit SCP for a bit, you know, try and further what semblance of a career I could hope for, but, oh well.
But, really, I could probably use this. I haven't had a vacation, or time off in a LONG time. Really, since I left uni, I've had no real time off to relax, and maybe that is getting to me. "But Michael," you ask, "you've had no time off at ALL for almost two years...?" Ah, no. I've had a little bit of time here and there, but all my vacation time was used for anime cons, and, while fun and nice, they aren't really relaxing. Constantly doing things, putting on the improv performances, there's never really time to do some real relaxing and resting. The week off I took before AN was mostly used to get the crappy little Link costume done. I was *supposed* to have a week off before I moved to Toronto, but I ended up doing the setup for my old store one day, then coming in to cover a shift or something, and THEN my new store called me in a day early. Plus, you know, the whole moving thing.
So, even though I'll be mostly alone, surrounded by people I generally don't want to spend my free time with, away from the chance to work on music... It almost sounds nice... Going to relax on the beach, bring the ds... See if the ship has the requisite hot gay filipino bartender... *dreamy sigh*
So... see y'all in a bit more than a week.
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| New Year's Wrap-up |
[03 Jan 2009|11:19pm] |
Reading last year's post as a guide.
Hard to put a theme to the year. If I had to put a cheesy slogan to it, it would be "The More Things Change, The More Things Stay the Same". Pretty much, there WERE a lot of changes in my life, but at the same time, it felt like I was going through a lot of the same, and I never really developed much.
My first full year out of school. I kind of miss the regularity, and the lack of responsibility.
In a twist almost worthy of a soap opera, lost a couple okay friends, but gained one really good one.
Still subscribing to WoW, but I don't play it NEARLY as much as I used to.
Music was really dead this year. The past couple months have been NOTHING, and before then, I think the only things of note this year were "So I Heard U Like Mudkips", and "Princess". Which really got me down. Especially since I got a new computer, and really built up the tools I have. Got Cubase 4, Atmosphere, Stylus, legalized some other things... I think my style HAS developed postively, it just feels like I don't have much to actually show for it.
Met Ken, who probably has had the most impact on my life this year than anyone. Whether that's a good thing or not is debatable.
Moved to Toronto. Glad I got out of Guelph, though. Met some guys, but nothing has really come out of it. I'm still a little (or a lot) hung up on Ken.
Went to more anime cons this year than ever. Just three, but still. Anime North, Otakuthon, Naru2U... Did some good improvin'. Anime North was probably the most fun I've had there this year than the past few, though I think I'm still getting a little tired of cons. This year might be a little better. First year I didn't run parapara, and I think I like not doing it. Less stress, more freedom.
Look at what I had down to "Look Forward To" from last year's post, it's kinda surprising to see they all came true, as unlikely as they seemed at the start of the year. So here's this year's naively optimistic list:
Things To Look Forward To in 2009:
Anime North 2009
Getting a new job
Finding a new place to live
Going back to Italy
Working on a cd
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| A long post (relatively speaking) to make up for a lack of previous posts |
[03 Jan 2009|11:05pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
] |
So, a couple things to cover here. Mostly Christmas goodies, a visitor, and New Years stuff, and other things I think of.
Christmas:
I was just upstairs talking with Ken about something unrelated, when I had the sudden realization. Three of the better things I got for Christmas were all textbooks. Out of school, but getting textbooks as gifts, and LIKING it. :P A Japanese textbook from Amy (who said she got herself a copy too, so we'll work through it together), a book on audio mastering (the biggest thing I'm really lacking in terms of skills), and a book on developing a better critical ear for listening to audio (another skill I don't quite have). So much to learn.
Also got some nice clothes, or nice clothes by way of gift certificates, some cookbooks, a new electric razor (I had to switch to wet shaving when I moved. My previous electric I'd gotten in Germany, and somehow lost the cord of, so I'd always either used my dad's when I lived with him to charge it, or Dennis' when I was with my mom, but when I moved out, no cord, and it's *IMPOSSIBLE* to find replacement cords, but that razor kinda sucked anyways).
Oh. And knives.
Lots of knives.
You see, my dad picked me up from Toronto, to spend Christmas Eve with him, and my sisters. We both had a little last-minute shopping to do, one of which for me was going to Canadian Tire. He wanted to browse, so we did. And we saw a really nice set of knives for a good prices. He asked me if I needed knives, and since the only non-dinnerware knife I have is a sushi knife (albeit a nice one), I said sure, and he got it for me. He wrapped it up, so I could open it later that day, so it wasn't a surprise, but it's all good.
So we get to opening the presents, and I get to one oddly shaped one. My dad looks at it and realizes what it is.
He'd ALREADY gotten me a set of knives (a small, three-piece one, as opposed to the 15ish+block one I'd seen). We laughed. Merriment was had. I have a lot of knives now.
Christmas Day with my mom was... interesting... It was nice enough, but definately a reminder of how much better I think I am off not living with her.
So, I come back Boxing Day, barely have time to put my stuff down when I have to leave for work, and the next day...
Amy Visits:
A friend from Chicago, for those unawares.
She had time off, I didn't, exactly, but she knew that coming in. Her flight got delayed, so she dropped in to my work to drop off her suitcase until I finished my shift. It was interesting meeting her. Kind of awkward at first. She's gonna read this, but she looks *really* intimidating at first.
The next two days I have off, so the next day (a Sunday) we stay in, mostly because weekly transit passes here run Mon-Sun, it felt kinda pointless to go out when it'd be too expensive. So I gave her a good Cubase tutorial, played some Rock Band, made her some Kraft Dinner. (Sadly, never actually made any REAL food for her the whole time she was here, which is kinda surprising.) The next day we went out to the Eaton Centre so I could use the aforementioned gift certificates, then hit up Silver Snail, Chinatown (for the "scenery", yeah, we could never be a couple since we both have the same taste in guys XD), then IKEA for lunch. After that we hit up Pacific Mall, pretty much headed to the Arcade Formerly Known as Orbit. She attempted some DDR, but the pad was "too slippery", and I did some parapara. Fun was had. Hot guys were pointed out.
The day after I started work again. Amy hit up some museums. Day after is New Years Eve. Ken came back from being at his parents during the break, but he didn't want to go out, and couldn't get back in time anyways. Another friend of mine, Tien, ended up joining us, and seemed rather offended that I didn't ask him to show Amy around Toronto while I was working. Disregarding the fact we probably hadn't seen each other for nearly a month. *cough* We debated going to Nathan Phillips Square, but then just decided to fuck the countdown, and hit up a karaoke place on Yonge St. It was fun, although kind of annoying that Tien went out of his way to avoid sitting beside me. Him and Amy seemed to be getting along *quite* well, so I figured he was just following through on his desire to be bi-curious. Kind of disappointing for me. He was rather insulting about not wanting to be near me, too.
Afterwards, we take a cab back to my place, he sleeps on the couch in my room. Ken had brought home a tv he got, and had already taken up his PS3. So a guy I kind of liked, but who gave the impression he didn't want anything to do with me, and then Ken goes more distant, felt pretty shitty that night.
New Year's Day:
I have to wake up early (after less than two hours of sleep) for opening at work. Luckily the open was later than usual.
I get there, meet up with the other opener, and go in the door. Now, I closed the night before too (yes, I volunteered to close Eve and open Day), so I knew what the store was like when I left.
The large puddle of water in the middle of the seating area wasn't there.
I go to the back to turn off the alarm, stepping into a couple inches of water, which wasn't there the night before.
Neither was the burst pipe, that was still spraying large quantities of water.
Yep. Year barely started, and I walk into a completely flooded store. I managed to turn the water off, and the other person starts bailing water into a sink while I make phone calls to people. Must have been nice for the manager. XD Partying New Years, then getting an early call that the store is flooded, and who-knows-what is damaged.
So, anyways, situation gets resolved. Burst pipe wasn't due to anything in my control, fortunately. My feet are soaked the rest of the day, though.
Tien and Amy went out that day, they meet me at the store to head back home. We look up going out that night, but nothing looked to be open, so we just stayed in, played some games, I still don't feel too good about the whole situations with Tien and Ken. They seemed to be getting along nicely in an Odd-Couple sort of way. I just feel left out. Amy was supposed to leave the next day, but gets her flight moved to the day after.
The day after I have to go in to work to do set up for the new season. Scheduled to work till near midnight, so Amy and Tien say they're gonna go out clubbing or something. I end up finishing around 9, leave then, head home, mention to them that I'm done early. They went to Pacific Mall with Ken, and were headed back, but I had no clue how long, so I just sorta sit alone, doing nothing really. Amy and Ken get back, Tien went to his place to get clothing for going out. Ken decides to come along at the last minute. On the way there, it comes out about the situation with Ken, kind of (Amy already knew, but Ken didn't know she knew, so this way she can talk a bit more freely). We meet up with Tien, hit up the club. I'm not much of a dancer, so it takes a bit for me to warm up. Tien goes out of his way NOT to dance with me, and practically drapes himself over Amy the whole night. I dance with Ken, and it gets a little intense at times. Not the best thing for me, I think. Feels like he gets so much closer, but then after the club he just becomes so cold... We all take the streetcar back to my place when the club closes, and I just feel more dejected about those two...
So today rolls around, Amy packs her stuff, and we leave, Tien staying back to play Ken's PS3. We get to the airport with time to check her bags, and maybe wander a bit. Except apparently they changed the process, and now once you check in, you can't check out, you have to go through customs immediately. So I barely get a decent goodbye with Amy. Sucks...
So I get back, Tien is gone. I feel lonely, spend some time in Ken's room. Try to cuddle with him a bit. The thing that really sucks with him is that he allows it, and doesn't really encourage, or discourage it either... I know I shouldn't, but it's just nice being around someone. We end up taking a nap together for a bit, but after that, he just goes back to being cold. Later, one of his boyfriend*S* comes over for a bit, I avoid them, but when he leaves, Ken mentions being disappointed that he couldn't stay. I just hold my tongue...
I think I'll do the New Year's Wrapup in a new post, just to separate it a bit.
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| Chrono Trigger |
[03 Dec 2008|11:16pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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Playing through Chrono Trigger for DS, and some random thoughts.
Was iffy about the retranslation at first, but liking it. Didn't like the font, especially, felt hard to read. And some of the items felt unnecessarily renamed, or, at least unnecessarily less descriptive (Athenian Water? WTF is that?)
Using Classic controls. Tried the DS ones, and they were nice, but I think I'm faster with the original ones. Walking with the stylus wasn't fun, though, too hard to go around objects.
The biggest thing is, the game somehow seems a LOT easier. I mean, it's a game I've played through a bunch of times before, yet this go around just feels a LOT easier. It's like I'm levelling up faster, or the characters are just stronger somehow... One example is Zombor, who I generally always have a tricky time with, I just blazed through this go around.
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